Author: Badger Lord email@example.com
Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it probably ain't mine. All characters of The Dead Zone are property of USA Network. I'm just playing around with them for a bit.
Spoilers: Everything up to Ascent
Why did the chicken cross the road?
::touches chicken and sees vision of Armageddon. Stares unblinkingly at it for ten minutes::
::snorts:: Yeah, sure you're fine.
::teary-eyed:: She can't decide which side to go on . . . this side has her new nest . . . but she misses her old nest on the other side! ::teeth clenched:: How the hell should she know which eggs she wants, dammit! There's too many choices!!!
::gritting teeth:: That chicken needs to make up her damn mind. Why does it have to cross the road anyway? What's wrong with it walking on the damn side like normal people . . .er, chickens!!
It's probably being stalked by some strange rooster who wants to be a part of the family he lost years ago. ::Everyone looks at him oddly:: What? Just because I act clueless on the show doesn't mean I don't know what's *really* going on.
I think it's just sick of being the only chicken of color this side of the road, if you know what I mean. Why do I even hang out here with you losers? ::wanders off::
This chicken is clearly a gift from God. However it's choosing a dangerous time to cross the road alone . . .
::whips out notepad and mumbles to herself:: The shy, effacing hen. A true American classic . . . ready to cross dangerous roads for the benefit of others . . . can I get a quote, Ms. Chicken?
Deputy Frank Dodd:
It's none of your business! Nobody's business! You don't know my chicken! Nobody ever understands the chicken!! Did that *freak* tell you about my chicken??! ::laughs maniacally as he rocks back and forth:: Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care . . .
The chicken feels perfectly *fine*! She's ready to cross the street. All of the other barnyard animals are going to be watching her. Run, chicken, run! ::hen keels over:: Umm, maybe we can have a rematch?
Jill Deer (the runaway):
Why do you people assume that just because a there's a chicken she has to cross the road?? Maybe she has better things to do! Did you ever think of that? Huh?? Maybe she wants a better life! Maybe she just wants to be left alone! ::storms off::
Townspeople of Hobbs Landing:
:: glare at the chicken:: That chicken is obviously the devil in disguise! Kill the creature! ::all run after the chicken carrying flaming torches::
::chanting:: Awani gia.
A wanna what what?
::throwing down ceremonial staff:: I *said* there's a car coming, you morons! ::leaves in a huff as the chicken becomes roadkill::
All: Ohhhhh . . . . oops. ::new chicken appears out of nowhere as all breathe a sigh of relief::
At least she can cross safely. That car is *light years* away from here! ::sound of yet another hen becoming a road patty:: Wait . . . I'm supposed to look into the other end of the telescope! Oopsies. ::whistles nonchalantly::
This street has become a road of shell games and spin doctors who shoot off fireworks but never get anything done! We need action! We need new asphalt! We need a system of road signs that everyone can understand! This is the chicken to do it!
Francis (the kidnapper):
God sent the chicken as a prophet. Though she walks through the valley of the shadow of death . . .
Death: Cross the road, my friend. Just look at the light . . . enter the light . . .
Johnny: ::blinking:: Nooooooo!!!!!!
::Johnny recovers from his reverie and dashes
heroically into the road, pushing aside the chicken and
shaking as the car comes millimeters from bashing his brains into
Chicken: ::pecking Johnny:: Bwaaack?
Check out the continuing adventures of the crossing chicken after new episodes of The Dead Zone! Will the chicken ever cross the street? And when was the last time Johnny blinked? These answers and more on the next update!